The Dance Of Spring

"Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. 

See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. 

Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.

The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.

Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.” 

Song of Songs 2:10-13

It's been a long, cold winter!  Even  here in North Carolina! 

I wrote this in response to the experience of joining my friends at the Pregnancy Support Center in Canton, Oh at a women's spring retreat a couple years ago on the shores of Lake Erie.  

What a blessing to let God's word and Our Bridegroom, Jesus, awaken us from our winter slumber and fill us with the dreams and plans of Spring!  My sisters and I laughed, cried, danced, prayed and worshipped.  We felt joy in our hearts even as we watched one more snowstorm come in over the lake.

 Several of us braved the icy winds to take a peek at the sunrise the morning after the storm.  Though the thermometer said otherwise, somehow it didn't seem so cold.  We  were warmed by the unmistakable presence  of  the Holy Spirit and the fellowship of our sisterhood.  We stood together and watched God paint the promise of Spring across the horizon that morning!

The following is taken from a page of my journal...A reflection of what I sensed the Lord speaking to my heart at this retreat....I sense these words are for YOU as well.

...I have set you free my daughter, do you not sense my Holy Spirit within you?  The darkness is dissipating, behold light breaks forth from the deepest places of your soul...can you see it?  Can you sense the warmth of the sun as it caresses your face? 

Come out of the shadows my beloved..Take my hand. You were never meant to blend in with this world...you, my princess, were called to shine for me...authentically, joyfully & courageously.  I have set you apart and desire for you to shine with the brightness of my Spirit. 

This is my will for you.  Yet, like a timid dance partner, you avert your eyes from my loving gaze...you turn away from my outstretched healing hand...unwilling  to believe that my affections are set on you...just as you are.

Come to me, exchange the darkness of your fears, your wounds and your misconceptions of ME  for the light of truth. The truth of My love for you.  Bring all your shame and insecurities. I will bestow on you a crown of beauty instead of ashes and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

  My beloved bride,  receive My healing and My freedom now. I desire your whole heart. Will you entrust it to Me?  Will you surrender it to me, the only true lover of your soul?

 I created you to dance unashamed and unencumbered by the past.  Let go of the lies that have kept you on the fence...or in the boat. Step out my bride. 

Come away with me! Let me carry you into a brand new season of adventure, freedom and purpose.  I am your King and Bridegroom and I am jealous for you.

Now Beloved…accept my outstretched Hand!  Spin in delight of Me!  Let me lift you to the heights and twirl you under my adoring eyes!   I delight in all that is authentically you, surrendered fully to Me. 

Whenever you feel weary,  just lay your head against my heart.  Let me hold you.  Breathe.   You are safe with me.  Let me wash over you with the living water of my Word and with my great love for you.  Though seasons, like tides, ebb and flow,...My banner over you has always been and will forever be….Love.

My Bride, the choice is yours... May I have this first dance of spring?

Pushing Pause...

There is an appointed time for everything. 
And there is a time for every event under heaven--

Ecclesiastes 3:1

I've been going through a season of angst the past two months as I had been pushing myself to finish the manuscript of Dandelion Winds and get it done for a mothers day launch. Until God got my attention.

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Confession: since Thanksgiving when I "determined" to muscle through getting the thing finished before Dec 31.  I have been alternating between bouts of depression and anxiety that takes my breathe away and saps my strength.  I have literally fallen asleep as I type from mental and physical exhaustion.  It has not been joyful. His spirit has felt quenched and I have felt far from God. 

  First. I have learned that this "date" was not His idea. It was mine. I wanted so much to achieve this goal and be DONE with this book...honestly I have felt ashamed that it has taken me so long. But, writing to avoid shame, check a self imposed box on my to-do-list or even to keep up with my beloved and gifted writer friends should not be my "why" for writing. 

 God is showing me that He has his own time table for this book and I am not to try to force it into my own time frame. 

Several writer friends have asked why I haven't at least attempted to go the traditional publishing route with this book. (To at least discern IF God has opened any doors here) Here are my reasons...

 1. I assume a book contract is like finding a needle in a haystack.  (God has been dealing with me on my unbelief) 

2. I want it to be done NOW! (God has been speaking to me of the value of excellence and His timing...not speed and a "check the box" mentality. 

 3. Fear of failing. Which we might as well label correctly as PRIDE. Ugh!

  The other "sign" that I have been running ahead of God:  I have been feeling very uneasy as I rush to "get through" my first edit. I see so much that needs to be tweaked. So many "holes" that I believe God wants to fill. So much nuance that I missed as I rushed to finish the manuscript.  So many grey areas that I know He would speak to if I were still enough to listen. Had I been writing at the turtle pace that I had been, maybe I wouldn't have so many holes?

I recognize that somewhere along the line,  I got out of God's rhythm of grace. He is no slave driver yet I was pushing myself as if He was. This was not of Him.  I don't believe He is in the same rush as I am to "get-er-done"  

He is building up His platform and building my relationships with friends gay and straight who don't translate Gods word the same way I do.  I think He wants us to get to a point of truly trusting each other's hearts. Even as we choose to remain rooted to our respective faith convictions about God's design for sexuality. This type of trust doesn't happen overnight. 

So, I am taking a big breath and a big leap of faith and I am slowing down to listen to His voice. To "push pause" and see if I have missed anything He would say in this book. 

Next month,  I am going to the Writers Advance Boot Camp at the Cove in Asheville,NC.  I will become a better student of the craft of writing and continue to pursue this work with excellence. I will, with great fear and trembling, pitch my book to Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas and see what they think.  I will learn, and grow into an even better writer. For Him.

That said, I Understand that a Mother's day launch will not happen unless God does a miracle.  For now,  I know I am to pitch it, as God directs, to the publishers he puts in my path and continue to write this story within the rhythms of His grace.

I so appreciate your prayers.

How about you?   Tell me about a time you needed to Push Pause ...

Come As You Are - Guest Blogger, Sonja Faith Lund

Since I have returned from the Gay Christian Network Conference I have been spending time both thinking/writing about my own experiences there and reading  those of my fellow attendees.  Today I want you to hear from Sonja Faith Lund, a beautiful soul and precious follower of Jesus.  I pray her message will inspire us to be mindful of the secret burdens that those sitting next to us in our church pews may be carrying...May the church, one day,  be a place where ALL are truly welcome to Come as You Are!    Read On...

On David Crowder's song; Come As You Are...Listen To 'Come As You Are'   

"Okay so let me talk about this song for a minute. It's gorgeous.

It's one of the first songs we sang in a general session at the GCN Conference, and I was tearing up (pretty sure everyone was) and for me, it wasn't just because it's a stunning song that had words which seemed to reach out to me personally and grab my attention:

"Oh wanderer, come home/you're not too far/so lay down your hurt/lay down your heart/come as you are”

No, the reason I'm still thinking about this song over a week later is related to a phrase that pops up in American Christian circles a fair bit:

 "Church (or Christianity) should comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." 

Essentially, if your life is relatively stable, things are going good, church should encourage you to go outside of yourself and help others. If you're unstable, suffering, mourning, etc., church should be where you get respite from your pain and encouragement to keep going.

My whole time in Washington, so most of my life, my family attended a church in a wealthy part of the city. Because it could be safely assumed that most of us in the congregation were privileged and doing alright for ourselves, the sermons and such skewed much more toward the "afflicting the comfortable" approach. Which is fine, I suppose, until there's folks like me who quietly slide from "comfortable" to "afflicted". Folks like me who realize one day that their own church, and hundreds of millions of fellow Christians, don't want them just as they are, and have to deal with that exhausting emotional mess. 

 I'm finding myself surrounded--not just by the church where I grew up, but a lot of places--by the message that I should be Going Out There and Doing the Lord's Work when all I want is a community which will stand by me and assure me that everything is going to be okay. I don't need a push out the door, I need welcoming arms beckoning me inside.

So then here's this conference, and here's this song. This song which says nothing about preparing you to go be a missionary or join the Peace Corps or whatever, but instead just gently assures you that there is a home for you and you can go there and find rest. I needed this so much. So very, very much.”    

                                                          -Sonja Faith Lund

   

Wonder of Winter - Job 38:29

Photo by Kim Dent


“From whose womb has come the ice?

And the frost of heaven,

 who has given it birth?”
 
~Job 38:29

Wordless Wednesday!

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