Connecting With Others

©ludukecounseling

 I recently had dinner with an amazing young woman. Amy Rae is intelligent, compassionate, successful, beautiful, insightful, respectful, loving, serving, christian and gay. She and I have become friends because she was courageous enough to "enter the arena" and invite straight people and gay people to meet together to seek Jesus. I answered her meet-up group because this was exactly what I was seeking as well. Funny how God connects us.

She came with no agenda to "convince me" of my shortsightedness or judgmental spirit.  She did not shame me for my convictions.  I did not arrive with a list of scriptures to "convict her."  I didn't presume she wanted my prayers to "deliver her,"  Instead, we just met at a coffee shop with masks off and hearts open. We ate brownies, laughed and got to know each other as friends. The Holy Spirit took it from there.

I wonder why it seems so scary sometimes to simply dialogue with a stranger? Could it be that we often go not with the goal of simply getting to know another human being but we too often enter into dialogue with an agenda to push our own views at all costs. Sadly, I have done this. Though thankfully not with Amy Rae.

 As we talked over coffee, she shared that she had been seeking a faith community that looked more like "real lIfe". A blended community of straight people, gay people, young and old, rich and poor, sick and well, sinners and saints, black and white.  She had a vision of all of God's wildly different, imperfect, yet beloved children coming together to praise Him and learn from Him.  She had not found such a diverse gathering in the many churches she had visited so she sought to build it using the power of the internet and meet-up.com.  Smart girl.

 She was looking for the authentic body of Christ.  Can anyone relate? Those who are willing to set aside, but not hide, our individual opinions about homosexuality, politics, church doctrine and traditions. Amy was calling out to people who were willing to present themselves transparently. No posing, no excuses. I immediately caught her vision and wondered what such a community would be like. Can you imagine the freedom of people humbly sharing their stories and willing to listen wholeheartedly as others told theirs?  A funny thing happens when we stop talking and start listening...we find connecting points. We discover that we are more the same than different. 

 As we both dropped our masks, I am finding it easier to have the heart level conversations that shame  prevents us from engaging in. (Brene's definition of shame is the "fear of disconnection" ) Disconnection is a people pleasers worst nightmare.  

Amy Rae has challenged me to ask my questions and has been gracious to respond honestly and without judgement.   Wise beyond her years, she has been courageously authentic with me about her own wonderings and questions.  I cannot begin to tell you what a refreshing place this is!  

 We have found a deep respect and friendship and unconditional love as we look beyond our differences and connect in the things that truly matter.  We love Jesus. We are human, we acknowledge that we fall short of His glory. we admit that we don't know it all and that God is far bigger than we ever imagined or can wrap our heads around. We know that, apart from Christ, we have nothing...we are nothing.  We are sisters in Christ and are both "Daring Greatly"  to be ambassadors of reconciliation.  We have tapped into the power of empathy. The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.  Brene' Brown says this; "Empathy is the antidote to Shame"

I am honored to stand side by side with her in this arena of authenticity. We are keeping our sights on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. He has not disappointed us.  

Amy Rae is another who helps me to "Dare Greatly".

The arena door stands open...will YOU step into the light?

Daring Greatly As a Mom

©BreneBrown

I heard Brene' Brown's talk "Listening to Shame" back in 2013. So many points resonated with me as I allowed myself to feel the weight of the words she shared.
In her talk she covers how stepping into the arena of authenticity and risk can open your world to so many possibilities.  Shortly after Kait came out, I was in this arena with my knees knocking together and my teeth chattering...I was so fearful of my own feelings and thoughts. I found myself clamming up rather than speaking my heart. I was so worried of how my words would affect others. Every thought I had was immediately judged by my inner critic as foolish, meaningless and wrong.  I still struggle with that critic sometimes but I am standing here in the arena of authenticity and risk with a new sense of courage and purpose. I stand now with the comfort of knowing that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I stand knowing my voice matters and it's ok if everyone doesn't see things the same way I do. 

I may appear foolish and perhaps you will notice me stutter and stammer a bit as I learn how to find my voice. But, the fact that I am finally IN the arena and not hovering outside the gate has exposed in me a new sense of courage...even as my knees knock!  I have always been a people pleaser and was content to never "make waves" or say or do anything that would be in any way uncomfortable for myself or others.  Thanks to my daughter, Kait's courage to reveal her secret I too have been encouraged  to take more relational risks. To ask more gutsy, honest questions of myself, of others and of my LORD.  To just be who I am without worrying so much if the "real me" is OK or acceptable to others.  The risk of disconnection or of judgement  has been outweighed by the blessings I have found in this new place and the people I have met. 

How about you?  How are you daring greatly in your life?  How has stepping out and sharing your authentic voice shaped you? Changed the trajectory of your life and relationships?