Elective Heart Surgery

Recently my Dad made the decision to have open heart surgery to repair multiple blockages he has endured for the past 20 years.  God has been graciously lenient as He has allowed my Dad free will to choose life with a defective, blocked heart rather than face the ominous unknown of open heart surgery. Truly God has protected his precious life awaiting Dad's "change of heart"

by vampiregirl66

My Dad could have chosen to live with his heart blockages for the rest of his days until a heart attack or stroke finally killed him,  crippled him or taken the choice out of his hands.  But, It became increasingly evident to Dad and to all of us that unless he had the surgery, he would likely not live out the year.   My Dad had to  face the fact that living with a serious heart blockage wasn't really living at all. 

My Dad's delayed heart surgery mimics the journey of faith many of us have been on... We can be content to  live a half life within our comfort zones. Stubbornly insisting we are FINE while the plaque of bitterness, pride, shame or fear slowly kills our joy and flatlines our faith.

I had lived years with a heart blockage of spiritual pride and a  judgmental spirit. Until my own daughter's face took the place of the faceless, nameless ones I had been unconsciously stoning from the comfort of my climate controlled pew.

When my daughter came out, God presented me with an opportunity for an elective heart surgery of my own.  Spiritual heart surgery.  I was afraid. I was way out of my comfort zone. I was bewildered and angry and  wasn't entirely sure I would survive the grief.  I put it off again and again, trying to figure it all out and "fix her"   But eventually I realized that the burden I carried for my precious one to "be straight" was like a heart blockage. I realized it would eventually kill my relationship with my precious daughter, kill my joy, my faith and eventually snuff out Kait's faith as well. This need to control and to fix my daughter had to be cut out. I am an incredibly poor substitute for the Holy Spirit!   I finally brought my own sins of spiritual pride and a judgmental spirit and checked in  to the throne room of my great Physician, Jesus.

He has relieved me of my burden, assuring me that He carries my beloved and he carries me.  He is Creator and He is in control. Not me.  He has not miraculously made my daughter straight but he, like a gifted surgeon, performed  the more urgent work and it happened to be on my own stubborn heart.  Jesus removed my heart of stone and replaced it with a heart of flesh.

I have been through some difficult rehab. I have had to confess and repent of the lies that I had believed about gay people as a whole.  It hasn't been easy or comfortable. but Oh, has it been worth it!

 I am living with a fully functioning heart! Joy and peace is restored and flowing  unencumbered.  I am finally free to embrace and love my daughter, her partner and all humanity with a love that chooses not to label anyone. For He, in His mercy, has not labeled me.   No longer living a half life, my spiritual heart blockage has been cleared.  Oh what a difference when our hearts work the way our Creator intended!

How about you?  Have you experienced a season where God needed to work on some issues in your own heart?  Is allowing Jesus to have access to your heart frightening to you? why or why not?  

Connecting With Others

©ludukecounseling

 I recently had dinner with an amazing young woman. Amy Rae is intelligent, compassionate, successful, beautiful, insightful, respectful, loving, serving, christian and gay. She and I have become friends because she was courageous enough to "enter the arena" and invite straight people and gay people to meet together to seek Jesus. I answered her meet-up group because this was exactly what I was seeking as well. Funny how God connects us.

She came with no agenda to "convince me" of my shortsightedness or judgmental spirit.  She did not shame me for my convictions.  I did not arrive with a list of scriptures to "convict her."  I didn't presume she wanted my prayers to "deliver her,"  Instead, we just met at a coffee shop with masks off and hearts open. We ate brownies, laughed and got to know each other as friends. The Holy Spirit took it from there.

I wonder why it seems so scary sometimes to simply dialogue with a stranger? Could it be that we often go not with the goal of simply getting to know another human being but we too often enter into dialogue with an agenda to push our own views at all costs. Sadly, I have done this. Though thankfully not with Amy Rae.

 As we talked over coffee, she shared that she had been seeking a faith community that looked more like "real lIfe". A blended community of straight people, gay people, young and old, rich and poor, sick and well, sinners and saints, black and white.  She had a vision of all of God's wildly different, imperfect, yet beloved children coming together to praise Him and learn from Him.  She had not found such a diverse gathering in the many churches she had visited so she sought to build it using the power of the internet and meet-up.com.  Smart girl.

 She was looking for the authentic body of Christ.  Can anyone relate? Those who are willing to set aside, but not hide, our individual opinions about homosexuality, politics, church doctrine and traditions. Amy was calling out to people who were willing to present themselves transparently. No posing, no excuses. I immediately caught her vision and wondered what such a community would be like. Can you imagine the freedom of people humbly sharing their stories and willing to listen wholeheartedly as others told theirs?  A funny thing happens when we stop talking and start listening...we find connecting points. We discover that we are more the same than different. 

 As we both dropped our masks, I am finding it easier to have the heart level conversations that shame  prevents us from engaging in. (Brene's definition of shame is the "fear of disconnection" ) Disconnection is a people pleasers worst nightmare.  

Amy Rae has challenged me to ask my questions and has been gracious to respond honestly and without judgement.   Wise beyond her years, she has been courageously authentic with me about her own wonderings and questions.  I cannot begin to tell you what a refreshing place this is!  

 We have found a deep respect and friendship and unconditional love as we look beyond our differences and connect in the things that truly matter.  We love Jesus. We are human, we acknowledge that we fall short of His glory. we admit that we don't know it all and that God is far bigger than we ever imagined or can wrap our heads around. We know that, apart from Christ, we have nothing...we are nothing.  We are sisters in Christ and are both "Daring Greatly"  to be ambassadors of reconciliation.  We have tapped into the power of empathy. The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.  Brene' Brown says this; "Empathy is the antidote to Shame"

I am honored to stand side by side with her in this arena of authenticity. We are keeping our sights on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. He has not disappointed us.  

Amy Rae is another who helps me to "Dare Greatly".

The arena door stands open...will YOU step into the light?

Dandelion Winds - Rooted in Faith. Released to Love. A christian mom's quest to understand homosexuality

Dandelion Winds - 
Rooted in Faith. Released in Love.  
A Christian Moms' Search For Grace 

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